Masturbation – isn’t it harmful???

Most of the professionals in the field of sexuality medicine and counseling claim that masturbation does not cause any harm to physical or mental health. Few even feel that masturbation is healthy, because it helps people to relive their sexual urge there by preventing unsafe sexual relationships. Quiet true, Masturbation may not cause any physical harm, if the standards of hygiene are maintained. But the same cannot be true when we look at it from a psychological perspective.

Masturbation in one habit that can become a compulsive need in adolescents which is carried into adulthood, if necessary control is not brought about, at an appropriate time, by the person involved. The reasons being, it is one pleasurable activity that can be done any time, the only requirement being some place with a little privacy. It also does not involve any financial expenditure or social commitments. So there is an urge to experience the pleasure whenever there is privacy and opportunity. This habit in fact becomes a compulsive behavior even at this stage because in every situation of privacy creates craving for masturbation. 

In the next stage they start looking for privacy whenever possible just for the sake of involving in masturbation.  Most of the time “rest rooms”  becomes  the place that is used,  whenever they don’t have any other place of privacy. Once this practice come existence the urge can becomes so compulsive that even when they have hectic schedules or important tasks to be completed, they may just take short breaks to restrooms to finish off the urge.  This stage indicates the obsessive psychological preoccupation with sexual thoughts and need for compulsive masturbation, to overcome the thought.

The other danger is the development of the belief that masturbation is a stress buster. Yes masturbation can act as a diversion from stressful thoughts or events. It can very well act as a buffer. But this belief system can once again increase the frequency and preoccupation that many just use this escape mechanism, and avoid exploring effective stress management methods. This can create limitations in their problem solving and decision making abilities

The belief that masturbation can induce sleep also makes people involve in it every day before they go to bed and may a psychological cause of sleep disturbance, if they are in situations where they cannot involve in the habit before sleep

The hazard of masturbation is not just associated with the habit itself but also with the fantasies associated with the practice. Masturbation does not happen without the associated fantasies. When there is frequent involvement in masturbation, with in a short period, the normal fantasies lose its luster and become less stimulating. When the regular fantasies do not provide adequate arousal, it leads to suspicions and worries, in some people, that they are losing their potency due to masturbatory habit. The bigger chunk of population shift to devising fantasies, which are pervert and deviant in nature to maintain the stimulation levels.  The danger of these fantasies, is that when these people go through a real sexual experience, they don’t find is so exciting or pleasurable, as what they have experienced in their wild fantasies.  This can lead to dissatisfaction and lack of interest in real time sexual relationship and some times motivate the person to involve in deviant sexual acts. This can jeopardize their marital relationship. In my experience I have come across many clients who tend to avoid sexual relationships and gain sexual satisfaction by involving in masturbatory practice even after marriage.

The other threat to marital relationship from masturbatory habit is that, people who tend to involve in compulsive masturbation, try to reach the climax with in a very minimal time, which can lead to the development of premature ejaculation. Failure to get fully aroused in a real time situation, because of the fantasies, that have been more stimulating can also lead to the development of performance anxiety. Also frequent masturbation, would create a status, where the person gets pleasure only by the self touch, to which he is habituated any may not be bale to feel the pleasure with the same intensity when their partner touch them during a sexual encounter which can also result in avoidance of real time sexual experience.

The world of sexual fantasy is one place where the individual feel fully excited and satisfied. So there is all possibilities that they don’t feel the necessity to mingle with others or build relationships, because they are happy on their own in their own private world. This factor along with the compulsive thoughts to masturbate, which enforces the tendency to opt for isolation and places where their privacy is not infringed, so that they can involve in the act when ever they feel the need, becomes a barrier in developing social skills.  Excessive masturbation can also lead to low self confidence and self esteem, which may be associated with the feelings of guilt associated with the habit or the pervert sexual fantasies, feelings of lack of self control, fear about health and immorality induced by religion and cultures and anxiety about their future marital life.

The habit of masturbation cannot be treated as a totally harmless one. Preoccupation with the habit and related fantasies does have an impact on the productivity levels and the quality of life every person. So it is necessary that appropriate awareness is created, specifically among adolescents, platforms are provided  to them for open minded discussion about their masturbatory practices and adequate training is given to them on exercising control  on their masturbatory habits.

IS FEAR OF TRANSFERENCE / COUNTER-TRANSFERENCE PREVENTING PSYCHOTHERAPISTS AND COUNSELORS FROM DISCUSSING SEX AND SEXUALITY ISSUES WITH THEIR CLIENTS ????- by R.Manoj Marital Counselor and Psycho Sexual Therapist Chennai

Transference is a phenomenon in psychoanalysis characterized by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another, in the case of psychotherapy from patient to therapist. Counter-transference refers to transference of feelings from therapist to patient.

            Generally any client meeting a therapist or a counselor for whatever problem it may be, find it difficult to initiate a discussion about their sexual life, sexuality or  sexual problems, even if the prime cause for meeting the professional may be directly or indirectly related to their sex or sexuality. But the disturbing fact is that many a times the professional themselves find it difficult to initiate this topic for discussion. May be the fear that, treading into one of the core part, of the most intimate personal space of the client, may lead to the development of strong transference or counter-transference; has been a strong barrier. The apprehension that, development of strong emotional feelings either by the client towards the therapist, or vice versa, may derail the therapeutic process and rather lead to a personalized relationship seems to be preventing them from treading freely into the sexual life of the client. But what most of these therapists fail to understand is that, unless and otherwise they are capable of understating this core part of a persons life in detail, the process of therapeutic intervention by itself may have a lot of limitations, curtailing the success rates. Moreover the uninhibited approach by the professional in to the sexual life of a client can serve as an important means to develop rapport with the client which is essential for the success of the therapy

            In many situations a client approaches a psychologist or a counselor with the intentions to share their problems and emotions in a detail but confidential manner; including their most personal secrets, which they find it difficult to share with anybody else. Sex and sexuality related problems are usually the most guarded secrets in the life of majority of the population. The status of a being the most guarded secret about the most intimate part of their personal space, has been the reason that, these issues not being discussed by any individual in a direct context or in detail with anybody including their close friends or even with the most intimate person in their life. In most of the situations in which it is discussed the conversation happens in a subtle veiled manner. Naturally the responsibility of initiating such a discussion rests with the therapist.

            Looking at the situation in a realistic rational way does provide substantiation to the these fear and apprehensions present in the professional because, what ever the model of psychotherapy that may be practiced by the professionals be it counseling, psychotherapy or more effective models like cognitive behavior therapy, the professional approach becomes effective only when there is an empathetic understanding of the clients problems and emotional associated with problems. This requires a lot of effective listening. Therapeutic listening requires interpersonal sensitivity. Empathy refers to how well the therapist can go into the client’s world and see and experience life the way the client does. The therapist will to some degree, experience the client’s feelings. To the extend that his/ her empathy is reasonably accurate, the therapist will be able to understand how the client structures and responds to certain events and relations. Therapeutic empathy includes the cognitive and emotional components of lived experience. Although there are intrinsic connections between warmth, love and empathy, there are not simple or direct. Therapist´s empathy may be experienced by a client as warm, or even loving, but warmth or love does not directly generate empathy and empathic understanding. But this empathetic approach which is understood as warmth or love by the client can lead to strong feelings of attachment towards the therapist, when the same is approach in adopted by the therapist in the issues related to sexual life. The intensity is lot more higher here because, the thinking pattern of the client usually happens based on the feeling that, the therapist is able to understand him or her in those segments of their life where nobody has understood them

            When compared to discussing any other vital areas of a clients life, while discussing the sexual life, the therapist may be highly sensitized to the transference component and inflate it out of proportion, because of the sudden reactions or changes that happens in the client when the subject is initiated. Many a times they may have to project complete insensitive to prevent strong transference and maintain the status of a professional approach which, can sometime be more disturbing to the client. In such conditions if a client responds negatively to the therapist, the therapist may be unconsciously motivated towards committing the error of taking a dynamically opposite stand of projecting higher sensitivity to avoid the derailment of the therapeutic process. In such situations the therapist should be able to take a balanced approach. Both in case of positive and negative approach by the client, when it cannot be ignored, the therapist should be able to attribute it to the internal object world of the client rather than a failure on the part of the therapist. Ambivalence about using effective professional techniques, because of the fear or transference or counter-transference fearing alienating the patient; Inability to set limits on sexually provocative patients and when patients present with issues such as abandonment, dependency, devaluation, demandingness, sexual preoccupations, abuse, betrayal, or exploitation by others, is equally damaging to the therapist and the therapeutic process.

            In some other cases therapists who become vulnerable to reciprocate the affection expressed towards them by their clients, sometimes even end up falling in love with clients. In some cases, the focus on the patient’s problems may allow the therapist compartmentalize and avoid his/her own personal problems or allow the therapist to displace his/her conflicts with others onto the patient. Some people are attracted to being therapists because it allows them a sense of competence, superiority, and apparent efficacy in relationships of sensitive nature where they feel a lack of competence. This illusionary competence felt in the role of a therapist may allow them to unconsciously pursue other goals, such as the need to have power or control, or the need to compartmentalize, intellectualize, and isolate oneself from one’s own problems. Such need base approaches can lead to the development of counter transference, which can be more damaging to both the professional and the therapeutic process. If the therapist is able to understand that the client was not in love with him or her as a person, but rather that the love was directed towards a more primary love object represented by the therapist, then the therapist could approach the work in a dispassionate and professional manner. Overcoming counter- transference depends on the ability of the therapist to discriminate accurately between feelings towards a client that are activated by client projections, and feelings better understood as having their origins elsewhere

            Transference may sometimes be a effective tool for building rapport with the client while both transference and counter transference can sometimes be damaging to the self image and professionalism. But fear of transference or counter transference should never prevent any professional from exploring the most sensitive / problematic area of the clients life. Adequate understanding of “self” in a professional role, appropriate and effective training in handling the transference and counter-transference as a part of training in the therapeutic process and seeking out consultation with a peer or senior professional,  to help whenever there is even a minimal doubt about addressing and potentially resolving the source of strong transference or counter-transference feelings are necessarily the methods to be adopted for, rather than avoiding the most sensitive area of sex and sexuality, to ensure professional excellence.

TEEN’S APPREHENSIONS OF SEXUAL ORIENTATION- by R.Manoj Marital Counselor and Psycho Sexual Therapist Chennai

There are lot of on going discussions about homosexuality and LGBT issues, highlighting the need for understanding their needs and problems, related to self and society. But what seems to be missing out in the campaign by the supporters and other professionals, is their lack of focus on creating awareness and popularizing the details, about the exact conditions or diagnostic standards, which can help people identify themselves as gays and lesbians. 

            In my clinical experience with teenagers, many have aired the suspicion about being homosexuals. The distressing fact is that, many were feeling guilty about such orientation. This feeling of guilt has been affecting their interpersonal skills and self esteem and in fact been a major source, for most of their emotional problems. But in most of the cases, a simple exploration of the details provided by these individuals, regarding their habits, behavior and thoughts, indicate that they are indubitably heterosexuals. 

            Teens who find themselves having sexual thoughts and attractions, which can be identified as an integral part of their evolution to adults, consider it as abnormal or an offence on which they don’t have control. For some, these feelings and thoughts are so intense, confusing and disturbing. This is especially true for people who are having romantic or sexual thoughts about someone of the same gender. Many of them start developing these  feelings with simple experiences, such as feeling fascinated by individuals of their own gender, who were more dynamic or physically fit with book defined body shapes or  achievers with fan following. These thoughts of fascination, being reinforced as sexual attraction, by the peers has been an add-on cause for the stabilization of such false beliefs, which later start haunting them.

            One major source of sexual pleasure, satisfaction or ventilation in teens is fantasizing. Fantasizing sexually about both the opposite sex and same sex is quite common, as teens sort through their emerging sexual feelings. This is just a part of adding diversity, to their sexual fantasies to get the expected excitement.  This type of imagining about people of the same or opposite sex doesn't necessarily mean that a person fits into a particular type of sexual orientation.

            There were a few others who were so ignorant, that they starting having apprehensions that sexually stimulating themselves while masturbating means they are also homosexuals.

            But the most vivid belief of being homosexual is seen with many whose first sexual contact has been with their own gender either as a part of sexual use, abuse or contact with consent under various circumstances. This has been the experience revealed by many people who have been living in hostels and other dwellings where they are forced to live in shared rooms. After their first contact they usually voluntarily repeat the experience, because that is the only source of sexual pleasure available in these conditions. This leads to habituation of satisfying their sexual needs by utilizing available sources, which strengthens their belief of being homosexuals.

            Teens experimenting sexual experiences, including those who do it with members of the same sex, during the years, when they are exploring their own sexuality, do not necessarily mean that they are homosexual, bisexual or hetro. These individuals who are victim of circumstances, never get or seek opportunities to clarify their habits and sexuality. Thanks to the stigma and superficial secrecy that is being maintained on the subject. They never take any initiative, till such time that their feelings of guilt or anxiety related to discrimination by the society has a  negative bearing on their functional abilities or they get ready to enter into a marital relationship.

            Their problems are further compounded by the lack of adequate information related to the subject, or professional to whom they can have an easy access, and who can help them to come to a conclusion on their sexual orientation. Many over come the habit once the start moving freely with opposite gender or get a opportunity for heterosexual contact. However till they have this experience they have a strong belief that they are homosexuals which becomes the source for distress.

            So while trying to support and fight for the genuine rights homosexuals, it is equally important that enough measures are taken to create awareness about homosexuality and about the thoughts and behavior which can ascertain a person as homosexuals. Else soon we will have a big community of youngsters who spoil their lives due lack clarity about their sexuality status.