POPULAR MYTHS ABOUT SEX AND SEXUALITY -by R.Manoj Marital Counselor and Psycho Sexual Therapist Chennai

         The majority of the population all over the world irrespective of academic and social status, caste, creed, culture or nationality do not have genuine knowledge about sex and sexuality. Very few of them do take the initiative to know the facts unless and otherwise the encounter a real problem. With the available sources of phony informations which are easily accessible, exceeding the authentic  informations in leaps and bounds, a majority of  the population are convinced to believe these false informations. This has lead to the propagation of various myths, with a large number of them common to all cultures.
        Most of these myths have gained widespread circulation just through the virtual world of information technology and  “word of the mouth” process. Most of these false informations are heard and passed on without taking any efforts to check its authenticity. Most common sexual myths arise out of ignorance.

Some of the myths common to both sexes are

• Sex equals intercourse: anything else doesn't really count
• Sex should always be natural and spontaneous: thinking or talking about will spoils it
• A man / woman cannot say no to sex
• Males have stronger sex drives and are more interested in sex than females.
• Sex must only ever occur at the instigation of the man. Any woman who initiates sex is immoral
• Partners in a sexual relationship instinctively know what the other partner think or wants
• Masturbation is dirty and harmful
• Masturbation is restricted almost exclusively to males
• Having an orgasm while asleep, a "nocturnal" orgasm, is a sign of sexual problems
• Only men have wet dreams
• Simultaneous orgasms are a must for sexual satisfaction
• Oral sex is a perverted act
• It is wrong to fantasize about sex
• It is immoral to have fantasies during intercourse
• Imparting sex education to youngsters will lead them to promiscuity
• Sex is not an essential part of marital relationship

Some of the most popular myths among males are

• A man is not a male if he cannot get a penile erection.
• A normal man should be able to get an erection whenever he wants it
• A man always wants and is always ready to have sex
• Every erection should end in orgasm or it would lead to some other physical problems
• A large penis is important for sexual enjoyment.
• Frequent masturbation makes the penis shrink
• Special food and exercise will make the penis grow big.
• One drop of semen is equivalent to multiple drops of blood. So loss of semen through masturbation can lead to general tiredness and anemia
• Loss of semen through masturbation means loss of life energy meaning the more one masturbates the lesser his life span
• Masturbation can cause warts, pimples, and acne
• Masturbation leads to shivering of hands which is a symptom of nervous breakdown
• Men have fixed quota of semen. If they masturbate, this quantity is quickly disposed of
• Vasectomy makes a man impotent
• Sexually transmitted diseases is cured if the man has sex with a virgin or a child

Some of the most popular myths among females are

• Men should always initiate sexual activity
• Good ladies remain docile during sexual encounter
• Talking to men about sex will send a message that she is “hot”
• Sexual desires should decrease with age
• Menopause puts an end to a woman’s sex life
• A girl cannot get pregnant the first time she has sexual intercourse
• A female cannot get pregnant while she is breast-feeding
• There is an absolutely "safe" period for sexual intercourse during which intercourse cannot cause pregnancy

            Even in today’s modern hi-fi information technology world, where information technology has made the smaller, and access to genuine knowledge easier, sex is being considered as a “necessary evil". The extensive pervert information and methodologies for sexual satisfaction available in this virtual world has made people feel "the lesser you know about it the better" which has been one of the reason for the propagation of misconceptions about sex. Knowing "the facts" about sexuality is important. Sexual decisions based upon misinformation can have serious consequences. The results can be an unintended pregnancy, a sexually transmitted disease or other unnecessary suffering. The best way to combat them is to learn more about sexuality. Without accurate information, it's easy to make responsible sexual decisions and to act with sexual integrity. The more you know, the more likely you are to realize what is and what is not a myth.

UNDERSTANDING SEX AND SEXUALITY- by R.Manoj Marital Counselor and Psycho Sexual Therapist Chennai

Understanding Sex & Sexuality

          The general prevalent knowledge related to sex may just be restricted to knowing something about the perceived sexually sensitive areas of the opposite sex, sex organs, sexual intercourse, reproduction and to a very great extent the inflated image about the pleasure of a sexual encounter.

          The source of these informations are usually the informations transferred by tittle-tattle among the peers under the smoke screen of confidentiality as this is a subject that is restricted from public discussion by various social norms in the society.

          The basic knowledge about sex starts usually in the preadolescent or early adolescent periods with the “kitty” talk related to sex among the peers specifically in the context related to the sexual organs where most of the informations transfers are based on the exaggerations of the minimal information which each child has accessed to. At the next stage the knowledge is developed from the informations given by sophomores who also do not have any real information but exhibit the same just to demonstrate their knowledge experience and dominance.

          In today’s world the prime source of information is the World Wide Web and internet search engines which also gives easy access to malicious informations. Porn books and movies have also been playing a major role in imparting the knowledge about sex.

          These unscrupulous knowledge gained by the young minds is further authenticated by the sensationalist celluloid and print, media, much maligned so called women’s or men’s magazines that present user favorite articles, stories and experiences related to sex, which further inflates the existing ignorance related to sex.        All these sources have not only provided incorrect informations but also prevent people from reaching out to the right source to gain the appropriate knowledge. This has resulted in lot of misconceptions and false informations being circulated not openly but as open secrets. These misconceptions has also been the base for not understanding or accepting the prevalence of sexual problems, even if such problems are identified; trying to live with it or take secret unprofessional measures to tackle it resulting in quacks taking advantage of the ignorance to make fortune for themselves.

        One of the reason for the propagation and maintenance of such misconceptions is almost certainly the awkwardness that most people feel when discussing anything of a sexual nature. The usual fears are that discussing sexual matters is giving permission to the other person to enter into ones extremely personal matters or there is chance that they may be over treading other person’s personal space. There are also wide fears that other person may mistake it as sexual intentions, or it might hurt the other party. This is because and only because most of us have been conditioned not to speak freely about sex by our parents, our educators, and the social and cultural conventions.

       Sex is not an endeavor in which the physical arousal and workout alone determines the effectiveness or satisfaction. Psychological, social and emotional factors play a more or at least an equally vital role in determining the effectiveness. But the most of us fail to go beyond the physiological factors associated with sex and sexuality.

       As always, the way to avoid the propagation and maintenance of such misconceptions is to avoid making assumptions, and to communicate with a professional or anybody else you can bring yourself to feel comfortable with. Asking and answering questions is still one of the best ways to get a point across, and real time communication helps in further clarification. Sex tends to engender strong feelings, so better get clear knowledge before it becomes a significant problem. Understanding the multiple factors associated with sex from the qualified trained personal will go a long way in helping everyone lead a satisfying sexual life

The next blog will be on the widely propagated myths about sex and sexuality